* Taller than a small person? Check.
* Heavy enough not to be easily stolen? Check.
* More than enough optical drive bays? Check.
* Room for up to 12TB of storage? Check.
* Ample expansion slots in case you fancy some multi-GPU action? Check.
* Support for the Extended ATX motherboard you'll probably never use? Check.
* Support for up to seven large fans, measuring some 900mm in total? Check.
* Cable routing, dust filters and a user-friendly tool-less design? Check.
* Expensive enough to ensure your mates probably won't have one? Check.