Xtreme Contests

[Charles Wirth]

Thank you for you submissions, thread closed while we pick the finalists.

Have a Happy Easter weekend and dont forget about the Prescott giveaway on Sunday.

[Charles Wirth]

A lost submission by Violineb. This was posted at 6:42 p.m. PST 4/6/04


#1
A world-renowned ventriloquist is doing a huge show in Madison Square Garden for thousands of people. In his act, he throws in a few blonde jokes here and there. At the end of the show, he is backstage when a blonde woman approaches him, visibly shaken. "I just want to tell you how disgusted and offended I was by your show tonight. The way you made fun of blondes was unnecessary and uncalled for!" The ventriloquist was completely taken aback. He had no idea that his show would ever offend anyone! "Ma'am, I am so sorry. If I had any idea that I would offend audience members, I would never have done the act, and I am very sorry." He said sincerely. "No, no," said the blonde. "I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that bastard sitting in your lap."

#2

One night a burglar was busy doing his 'job' in somebodys house when he heard a voice call out;

"Jesus is watching you!"

Alarmed, he looked around for the origin of the voice. When he was sure there was noone there, he carried on with his theivery. Then he heard the voice again;

"Jesus is watching you!"

Even more statled than last time he turned the light on, only to see a parrot staring at him from its cage in the corner of the room.

"Did you just say that?" the burglar asked.

"Yes, I was trying to warn you" came the reply.

Astonished by this, the burglar asked;

"Who are you?"

"Moses"

"What sort of person would call their parrot moses?" the burglar scoffed.

"Dunno, I suppose the same sort that would call their rottweiler Jesus"

[saaya]

unstickied the thread to make room for new competitions