Well I had a post saying i found a solution, but then it seemed like I had a double post, so I deleted it, only to see it wasn't. Awesome.
Anyways, stumbled across Asrock's tuning program helping out my crashing issue. If I open AXTU, my comp is actually decently stable, in both tf2 and 3dmark11. Same bios settings, but without opening it, I fail before the first 3dmark test finishes loading. Open, I finish the test if everything is good. No clue why, but it works. It ain't magic, I know, but now its just normal overclocking "work". Got my best test score to date, 1453 at 132. Hoping to breaking 1500 with the new ram. tf2 had some playing issues at 132 but I think my NB was too low volts, fixed a similar issue at a lower clock later on.
I'm just glad to be able to play crash free, at least more then before, and I can make headway when it does. Right now at 3.49Ghz and 1.375 cpu volts to make it 3dmark11 stable, its using 150w at the wall, doing boinc science 4 cores @100%. It did this fine at 1.325v, but bugged out the physics test/combined.
I'll keep you guys updated if you want. I use the watt meter as a good oc tool, real easy to see when its not going to boot, verify crashes, etc.