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Thread: Engineer jokes

  1. #1
    Xtreme Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008

    Wink Engineer jokes

    1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in the wind.
    2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM - We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
    3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame.
    4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
    5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED - We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
    6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE - The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
    7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING - We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
    8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only person who understood the thing quit.
    9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
    10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
    11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL - Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.
    12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING - We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.
    13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION - I can't wait to hear this bull!
    14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS - Come into my office, I'm lonely.
    15. ALL NEW - Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
    16. RUGGED - Too damn heavy to lift!
    17. LIGHTWEIGHT - Lighter than RUGGED.
    18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - One finally worked.
    19. ENERGY SAVING - Achieved when the power switch is off.
    20. LOW MAINTENANCE - Impossible to fix if broken.
    Cmndt. Eric Lassard: What is the most frustrating thing about police work?
    Tackleberry: Not being able to carry hand grenades, sir.

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    A place the sun don't shine (Seattle)
    Top 10 reasons to date an ENGINEER

    10. The world does revolve around us... we choose the coordinate system.

    9. No "couple" enjoy a better "moment".

    8. We know how to handle stress and strain in a relationship.

    7. We have significant figures.

    6. We understand the motion of rigid bodies.

    5. Projectile motion: Do we need to say more?

    4. Engineers do it to specification.

    3. According to Newton, if two bodies interact, their forces are equal and opposite.

    2. We know it's not the length of the vector that counts, but how you apply the force.

    Intel C2Q Q9550 2.83ghz :: Intel DQ45CB :: 4 x 2gb OCZ DDR2 PC2-8500 Reaper HPC :: ASUS EAH5850 :: Thermaltake TR2 RX 750w :: Western Digital Caviar Black 4 x 750gb in RAID 10
    Intel e3-1235 3.3ghz :: Intel s1200kp :: 4gb kingston hyperX 1600mhz :: WD 500gb Cavier Green
    Intel i7-3770k 4.4ghz :: msi z77ma-g45 :: 8 gb patriot Signature 1600mhz :: 160gb WD Cavier :: 5830 + 5870 CF :: Antec Earthwatts 650w

    "...all men die, and no brave man lets death frighten him from his desire..."

  3. #3
    Xtreme Enthusiast
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Mid UK. Lift a few rocks, eventually you will find me.
    An engineer walks into a bar
    Fun Box: Asus P8Z68-V GEN3++Corsair AX850++i5 2500k@4.5Ghz-1.272v++Corsair A50++2x8Gb Corsair Vengeance++MSI R7970 Lightning++Audigy2 Plat-EX++TBS 6280 DVB-T2 tuner++256Gb OCZ Vertex 4.500Gb Caviar Black.500Gb Seagate Barracuda++Sony AD7240s++Lian-Li PC-60++Linux Mint/Win 7++Asus P238Q

    Work Box: Gigabyte H61MA-DV3++Corsair HX620++i5 3450@stock++2x8Gb Corsair Vengeance++120Gb OCZ Agility 3++Linux Mint

    Quantum theory in a nutshell: It's so small we don't know where it is, it could be here, it could be there.

    Just 'cos it's legal don't make it right.

  4. #4
    Wanna look under my kilt?
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Glasgow-ish U.K.
    Quote Originally Posted by masterg View Post
    Even by internet standards, that's GEEKY
    Quote Originally Posted by T_M View Post
    Not sure i totally follow anything you said, but regardless of that you helped me come up with a very good idea....
    Quote Originally Posted by soundood View Post
    you sigged that?


    Sometimes, it's not your time. Sometimes, you have to make it your time. Sometimes, it can ONLY be your time.

  5. #5
    Xtreme Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    During the French Revolution, three professionals were arrested and convicted of having bourgeois values. They were a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer. They were to be led to the guillotine one by one. The crowd was roaring with anticipated pleasure. First up was the doctor. How dare he enrich himself through other people's illnesses? Access to basic health care is a right, right? The doctor was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. The blade started on its massive, implacable way down. And lurched to a stop. The official in charge declared that it would be inhumane to make the doctor suffer this way more than once, so he was setting the doctor free. The crowd howled. The executioner checked his equipment. All was in order. He put a small tree branch in, and successfully lopped it in half. He re-sharpened the blade. Next up was the lawyer. Who needs an excuse to wish such a lying, cheating scoundrel dead? The crowd was thunderous in its applause. The lawyer was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. Again, the blade stopped part-way down! The presiding official once again said that he would set this prisoner free because of the unusual circumstances. The crowd screamed in frustration. Now came the engineer, a man whose innovations and devices were costing jobs. The crowd fell silent. The executioner checked and re-checked his equipment. As the engineer was marched up to the guillotine, he looked carefully at it, and said, "Wait. I see your problem...."
    Cmndt. Eric Lassard: What is the most frustrating thing about police work?
    Tackleberry: Not being able to carry hand grenades, sir.

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