Let's Play: Try to Amuse Me 2008 (3rd Edition)

**Riggs** · 12-06-2008, 04:59 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-88Y1-TlASM

**Particle** · 12-06-2008, 05:47 PM

Samsung hard drive has been purchased.

Now we just have to wait and see who the winner is.

**jason str** · 12-06-2008, 07:19 PM

This summer i was hanging out around lake Michigan jogging down the beach every morning trying to get back in shape when i came across this girl with no arms or legs crying her eyes out so i went up and asked what was the matter she tellls me she has never been hugged by a man before so feeling sorry for her i gave her a hug and went on my way, the next day there she was in the same spot crying again so i jogged up to her and asked whats wrong now, she tells me she has never been kissed by a man before so i gave her a quick little kiss and went on my way, once again sure enough the next day there she was laying in the very same spot as the days before crying her eyes out once again i jogged up to see what was the matter now, she tells me she has never been screwed by a man before so i picked her up threw her in the lake and yelled now youre screwed.

Cleaned it up the best i could.

**hstuehmeyer2000** · 12-06-2008, 10:05 PM

**~~Omastar~~** · 12-06-2008, 11:29 PM

What's the difference between a woman and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

**little_scrapper** · 12-06-2008, 11:42 PM

Check this out. Two days ago I was heading over to the campus to drop off some papers and talk to a couple people. So I'm just driving along about 55mph and suddenly this big fat pidgeon swoops across the road right in front of me and bam! smacks right into the bottom of my windshield. This bird gets wedged under the windshield wiper arm. So i'm driving along for about a half mile wondering if this this is going to work itself off, the whole time this thing is trapped under the wiper, and its just flapping away like mad. I tried speeding up and jacking the brakes a couple times but that obviously wasnt going to work and I couldnt quite reach it so ..wth... I'll turn on the wipers. So now here I am driving down the road with this big fat pidgeon just a flapping away like mad as it is being dragged back and fourth across my windshield. So I start varying the speed of the wipers and giveing it some juice because the darn bird has now pooped all over my windshield. So another maybe half mile and this thing is flapping away trying to get loose and smearing all over my windshild when suddenly, FINALLY, it breaks loose. FLIP! The thing goes flipping over the truck and lands SMACK! right into the windshild of the car behind me. The car behind me was a state trooper. So needless to say I was immediately pulled over. So the trooper is super pissed off and has some choice words for me, but he checks me out and Im clean, but he still tells me to "just wait right here, I'm giving you a ticked" I'm like WTH for what. So I asked "what for?"..... He says to me... "for flipping me the bird."

**little_scrapper** · 12-07-2008, 12:00 AM

He is one from way back in the days. Everyone has heard of Head Ski's right. So they put up this big billboard adversiting right next to 94east in St. Paul. The add says "Give us HEAD SKI'S" with a bunch of people with Ski's. So my dad climbs up there with a can of spray paint and yep you guessed it... covers up the word skis....That thing was there for months! Right next to the buisiest highway in the twin cities.

**little_scrapper** · 12-07-2008, 12:05 AM

**jason str** · 12-07-2008, 12:38 AM

**clo007** · 12-07-2008, 12:14 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLhNkbAubfY&NR=1

**serious1** · 12-07-2008, 12:46 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5Ilq3kFxek
The cat doesn't get hurt. Funniest video I can remember!

**l33t p1mp** · 12-07-2008, 01:04 PM

Originally Posted by aspire.comptech

/win

Lurk moar new:banana::banana::banana:.

As for the joke.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXp2ruZoxK8

Here's the sequel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yx4k...eature=channel

**CorruptHawkeyez** · 12-07-2008, 01:06 PM

Only a few pics I've just found around the net.

And my favorite:

And if you like anything to do with Flightsims or Flight Simulator X, then check out this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fej9EWWLSsw

**l33t p1mp** · 12-07-2008, 01:16 PM

Lol I remember that vagina one, its hilarious.

**Deluge** · 12-07-2008, 02:03 PM

http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/Fu...p?ArticleID=72

A car crash in Texas... enjoy

**trapezoid** · 12-08-2008, 06:22 AM

This thread is hilarious!!

**Particle** · 12-08-2008, 06:33 AM

More of the picture ones and text jokes please. Watching all the videos is taking a lot of time.

**Rinaun** · 12-08-2008, 08:01 AM

for anyone who hasn't seen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM5TF...t4dead411.com/

HUNTER!!!

**pythagoras** · 12-08-2008, 02:24 PM

I hear that a lot of Americans still dont know the difference between Iraq and Iran.

Iran is the country that does have weapons of mass destruction

**kylepaddock** · 12-08-2008, 05:13 PM

here is another:

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?''

The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''

''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?''

''Yeah, he's my dad.''

''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?''

The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''

The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.''

''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''

The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''
The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.

and another

God vs. Science
>
'Let me explain the problem science has with
> religion.'

The atheist professor of philosophy pauses
> before his class and then asks one of his new students to
> stand.
>
>
>
>
>
> 'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'
>
> 'Yes sir,' the student says.
>
> 'So you believe in God?'
>
> 'Absolutely.
>
> 'Is God good?'
>
> 'Sure! God's good.'
>
> 'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'
>
> 'Yes'
>
> 'Are you good or evil?'
>
> 'The Bible says I'm evil.'
>
> The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!' He
> considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you.
> Let's say there's a sick person over here and you
> can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you
> try?'
>
> 'Yes sir, I would.'
>
> 'So you're good...!'
>
> 'I wouldn't say that.'
>
> 'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed
> person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God
> doesn't.'
>
> The student does not answer, so the professor continues.
> 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who
> died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him.
> How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that
> one?'
>
> The student remains silent.
>
> 'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says.
> He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the
> student time to relax.
>
> 'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'
>
> 'Er..yes,' the student says.
>
> 'Is Satan good?'
>
> The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'
>
> 'Then where does Satan come from?'
>
> The student falters. 'From God'
>
> 'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell
> me, son. Is there evil in this world?'
>
> 'Yes, sir.'
>
> 'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make
> everything correct??
>
> 'Yes'
>
> 'So who created evil?' The professor continued,
> 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since
> evil exists, and according to the principle that our works
> define who we are, then God is evil.'
>
> Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness?
> Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do
> they exist in this world?'
>
> The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'
>
> 'So who created them?'
>
> The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats
> his question. 'Who created them?' There is still no
> answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front
> of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. 'Tell
> me,' he continues onto another student.
>
> 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?
>
> The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes,
> professor, I do.'
>
> The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five
> senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.
> Have you ever seen Jesus?'
>
> 'No sir. I've never seen Him.'
>
> 'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'
>
> 'No, sir, I have not.'
>
> 'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or
> smelled your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception
> of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'
>
> 'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'
>
> 'Yet you still believe in him?'
>
> 'Yes'
>
> 'According to the rules of empirical, testable,
> demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't
> exist. What do you say to that, son?'
>
> 'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my
> faith.'
>
> 'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And
> that is the problem science has with God. There is no
> evidence, only faith.'
>
> The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a
> question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as
> heat?'
>
> ' Yes.'
>
> 'And is there such a thing as cold?'
>
> 'Yes, son, there's cold too.'
>
> 'No sir, there isn't.'
>
> The professor turns to face the student, obviously
> interested.
>
>
>
>
>
> The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to
> explain.
>
>
> 'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat,
> mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no
> heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'.
> We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat,
> but we can't go any further after that. There is no such
> thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than
> the lowest -458 degrees.'
>
> 'Every body or object is susceptible to study when it
> has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or
> matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is
> the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word
> we use to describe the absence of
> heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in
> thermal units because heat is energy.
> Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of
> it.'
>
> Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the
> classroom, sounding like a hammer.
>
> 'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing
> as darkness?'
>
> 'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation.
> 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'
>
> 'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not
> something; it is the absence of something. You can have low
> light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if
> you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's
> called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use
> to define the word.'
>
> 'In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would
> be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'
>
> The professor begins to smile at the student in front of
> him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are
> you making, young man?
>
> 'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical
> premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must
> also be flawed.'
>
> The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this
> time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'
>
> 'You are working on the premise of duality,' the
> student explains.. 'You argue that there is life and
> then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are
> viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we
> can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a
> thought.'
> 'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never
> seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death
> as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that
> death cannot exist as a
> substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life,
> just the absence of it.
>
> 'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students
> that they evolved from a monkey?'
>
> 'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary
> process, young man, yes, of course I do.'
>
> 'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes,
> sir?'
>
> The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as
> he realizes where the argument is going. A very good
> semester, indeed.
>
> 'Since no one has ever observed the process of
> evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is
> an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion,
> sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'
>
> The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until
> the commotion has subsided.
>
> 'To continue the point you were making earlier to the
> other student, let me give you an example of what I
> mean.'
>
> The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in
> the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?'
> The class breaks out into laughter.
>
> 'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the
> professor's brain, felt the professor's brain,
> touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears
> to have done so. So, according to the established rules of
> empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that
> you have
> no brain, with all due respect, sir.'
>
> 'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust
> your lectures, sir?'
>
> Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the
> student, his face unreadable.
>
> Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers.
> 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'
>
> 'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact,
> faith exists with life,' the student continues.
> 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'
>
> Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course,
> there is. We see it everyday It is in the daily example of
> man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of
> crime and violence everywhere in the world. These
> manifestations are nothing else but evil.'
>
> To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir,
> or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply
> the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a
> word that man has created to
> describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil
> is the result of what happens when man does not have
> God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold
> that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes
> when there is no light.'
>
> The professor sat down.
>
> The student was Albert Einstein. Albert Einstein did
> write a book titled God vs Science in 1921...
>
>
>
> If you read it all the way through and had a smile on your
> face when you finished, mail to your friends and family with
> the title 'God vs Science'.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "For we walk by faith, not by sight." 2
> Corinthians 5:7

**Riggs** · 12-08-2008, 06:12 PM

http://battletracker.com/forum/other...icture-thread/

All great pics!

**ExodusC** · 12-08-2008, 07:40 PM

*EDITed by IFMU*

Last 2 pictures removed due to a large amount of foul language.
Let's stick to the forums rules here folks.

IFMU

**twilyth** · 12-08-2008, 07:47 PM

Originally Posted by [cTxP]Riggs

http://battletracker.com/forum/other...icture-thread/

All great pics!

Yes - excellent. There are a few that wouldn't be acceptable here, but just a few. I bookmarked it.

**Riggs** · 12-08-2008, 08:27 PM

Originally Posted by twilyth

Yes - excellent. There are a few that wouldn't be acceptable here, but just a few. I bookmarked it.

If only you'd seen the ones before the mods got to them... The gifs are the best though!

I dont encourage these bad pics, but the others are funny.

**Hypediss** · 12-08-2008, 08:46 PM

Fish found in boy's penis:
"The patient was admitted to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention spanning a 24-hour period. According to the boy, the fish slipped into his penis while he was cleaning his aquarium at home."

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegrap...012895,00.html

annnnd.

Fast Sex:
"Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you...

The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!'

Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend...So she called him and explained the situation.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.'
She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened...?' Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The SOB had all dimes!'

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed"

Thread: Let's Play: Try to Amuse Me 2008 (3rd Edition)

Thread Tools

Search Thread

Rate This Thread

Display

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions