Need some advice on what to do with my girlfriend

[Th3MadScientist]

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 3-4 months and she moved in with me into my parents house because her mom is drunk and stupid everyday and she had no where else to go. Anyway she is really nice and has a great personality. We are currently sharing my room together. My feelings for her aren't as strong as the ones she has for me but I don't know how to go about this.
My parents said she can stay as long as she bought her own food and paid $50 a month for the utilities she used. Here is the bad part. She has become a huge burden to me. All she does is sleep, like today she woke up around 3 p.m, i was up at 7 and I couldn't do anything remotely noisey cause she would complain. I couldnt make my bed until she got up . She always says she sleeps because she doesnt feel to well which is almost everyday. Her stuff is scattered everywhere in my room and when I ask her politely to do something for instance to wash the dishes, clean up her mess and even to do her laundry, I always hear I will do it later and it never gets done. Even when I try to remind her I get scorned because she already knows. I'd like to think of me as a cleanly guy, I enjoy my room being clean and with her stuff here, my mind keeps bugging me but I know I can't do anything about it. She does buy her own food but she never eats it unless she has too, she always eats from my meals. I understand she currently is my girlfriend but she always wakes up and asks whats for breakfast, whats for dinner and always complains to me she is hungry and makes me make her food. I eat clean, so I always prepare meals for myself and the cost of food is making it worse. It is like trying to move a mountain to get her to cook. It feels like I have to not only feed myself but another person as well and look after her...keep in mind im only 21 going into my last year of college. I can't look out for myself and her.

She gets stressed really easily and I really want to call it quits and send her back to her moms house but I need to know how to approach this without her going crazy. Her mom said if she wants to come back she can at anytime. Any ideas?

[[XC] riptide]

+

Its time to make her pay

[vaio]

Seems you are being used.

Break it gently that the relationship isn't working for you anymore and give her a timeframe to make alternative arrangements.

You CANNOT put your life on hold through guilt or sympathy......particularly as she isn't even pulling her own weight around the place.

At the least set some ground rules about her earning her keep there......a real relationship means the workload is shared.

Seems you are just a meal ticket.

Gently as you can but-----GET RID.

[alex17 GTX]

Get rid of her man. You surely don't want her as a wife becouse we will have to cook, wash dishes , and clean arround the house - things that the wife should do. She may be depressed becouse of her mom and may need to go to a psychiatrist. Hmm, about dumping her : it's not that hard, just tell her you can't stand her attitude anymore and you want to break up.
If you have feelings for her you can try and talk about her problems, maybe go with her to a psychiatrist. I believe there is a chance to be like this becouse of her mom and maybe she isn't that bad after all. You know better.

[Entity_Razer]

matters of the heart are touchy isseu's....

so i'll give you advise from the "aged 21" angle.

Your to young to worry about this stuff, dump & move along.

But i'm not an ogre... So I'd sit down with the lass and talk it over quite clearly (a sort of last stand), be sure to let her know it can't go on like it has been going on, and that unless she changed you can't live together any longer. (get your parents to back you up ofc)

How to go about this? I wouldn't know... I usually just get so fed up I just pour it out and it all happens to come out properly as it was supposed to... But thats cause it seems I can talk my way in/out of almost anything

Anyways, talk it over (even if you've done so already), be clear, precise and to the point. No "make up sex" or whatever, seriusly, its a serious matter and the flesh shouldn't prevent the mind from exercising its right to control your ass


if your going for less dramatic stuff:
- Wake her up ! (just make noise!)
- Get her to clean up (Litter her stuff and whatnot)
- be sure your away when its time to make meals, so she gets forced to cook

I know it'll mean you have to adapt lifestyle as well but thats love for you, give & take, right now she's doing all the taking, you the giving, try turning the roles around mate

[Entity_Razer]

** IMAGES **

Its time to make her pay

I Hope your not implying what I think you are Mr. Riptide? Because thats a Big No No these days & around these fora

[Th3MadScientist]

Well i think she is getting the message because I'm acting different then I normally do and she picked up on it. She knows that she is in the wrong but what I learned from my past relationships is that you cannot change a person no matter how hard you try and even they cant change who they are or how they act even though they try to they are only fooling themselves.

[Entity_Razer]

You can't change people if people don't wish to change or don't get assited in their change.

Loads of people make the same mistake thinking its quite easy for someone to chance, but in reality its very difficult as your previous experiences tell you so now. If (IF!!) She is worth it stand by her and guide her into changing for the better. After all what will 1-2 more weeks mean in a lifetime.

I'm not "blessed" with love myself but I don't think you should deem something unsalvagable and move on. If your not going to work/tinker on the relationship your not going to last long in any relationship/Marriage.

But then again as I said I don't know the history between you & her and how long it's been going so ye...

thats just me being a hopeless romantic I guess

[Jowy Atreides]

All she does is sleep,
She always says she sleeps because she doesnt feel to well which is almost everyday.

She does buy her own food but she never eats it unless she has too, she always eats from my meals. I understand she currently is my girlfriend but she always wakes up and asks whats for breakfast, whats for dinner and always complains to me she is hungry and makes me make her food.

She gets stressed really easily and I really want to call it quits and send her back to her moms house but I need to know how to approach this without her going crazy. Her mom said if she wants to come back she can at anytime. Any ideas?

Eating disorder, before you even got to the bold text all I could think was
"mix bulimia?"

bad living situation, lethargic, mood swings, disorganization, private food habits.
Food planning and preparation for avoidance/diversion
(that's when she eats purposely in front of you)

it all fits in, what you do next is up to you.
Maybe you could test the water? ask her if she's ever purged

do a little digging, the usual checks. Check fingers for abrasions, check her belongings for laxatives

you'll probably shrug it off, most of my friends from OA tell me their boyfriends do

whatever.

[Th3MadScientist]

She doesnt have a eatting disorder, she just doesnt eat right or eat often at all because she has financial problems. We already talked about this whole situation about 2 weeks ago and nothing has changed and right now she gets the point that I want to end it, but I think I'm gonna just write her a letter and hand it to her and have her read it.

[Entity_Razer]

I think I'm gonna just write her a letter and hand it to her and have her read it.

Personally I wouldn't, face to face is LOADS better but...

I understand that a letter is much easier to write your thought and emotions down on.

But beware, I speak from experience when I say thats going to be one LONG letter...

[Nanometer]

She doesnt have a eatting disorder, she just doesnt eat right or eat often at all because she has financial problems. We already talked about this whole situation about 2 weeks ago and nothing has changed and right now she gets the point that I want to end it, but I think I'm gonna just write her a letter and hand it to her and have her read it.

No! You are a man, now act like it. You go in there and you tell her this is not happening anymore. This is your room, and you will decide how things will be down. She needs to shape up or ship the **** out. No decent sex is worth that garbage.

[Entity_Razer]

No! You are a man, now act like it. You go in there and you tell her this is not happening anymore. This is your room, and you will decide how things will be down. She needs to shape up or ship the **** out. No decent sex is worth that garbage.

You don't "get" this whole love and mutual respect thing I guess?

No offence but the "your a man !" thing doesn't fly in these cases.

That can all sound tough to little kids and testosterone bulging men or to people who actually can resort to no other means but that but this is not one of those times.

[Brave758]

Mate theres two ways to do this the hard way and ..... ya the hard way, cut to the chase and tell her to clean her act up or move out.
What's she like in the sack man if she was that good that you didn't mind then ok enjoy the rough with the smove.
But any way you try it, the nice or blunt way and you will still get the same result you feel bad(sort off)and she will hate you.
Or get ya self a nice STD and blame her for it. Lol now that will work lol

[Reznik Akime]

Wow, kinda makes me depressed to be a guy after reading some of the crap here. I just wonder if half of you that talk like that even have a girl, or had been with one.

Just tell her straight up that she needs to grow up or it's over. Indeed, you are being used but think about her situation a bit. No need to get belligerent about it. Relationships often fail because the two keep everything bottled up. At this rate though, it looks like it's about to lawn dart.

[Rattle]

i guess it all depends on how good the sex is. after a while that doesnt make up for it though

[thunderstruck!]

Based on the thread title, I thought the OP would be asking what is the best way to move a body. . I'm sure Omastar would be able to offer plenty of advice on that one.

[furrylemmings]

Look, in my experience, if you cant just talk to her bout this, then it probly aint worth it. My girlfriend and i help each other out with stuff, we both get tired and stressed sometimes, but the main thing is we're open with each other and we tell each other when somethings bugging either of us. I don't mean to be negative, but you need to either get through this and become closer with her, or your wasting your time.

[Movieman]

Pack her bags, take them and her back to her parents house, a kiss on the cheek and say: Good Luck!
Then turn and run as fast as you can.

[Omastar]

Based on the thread title, I thought the OP would be asking what is the best way to move a body. . I'm sure Omastar would be able to offer plenty of advice on that one.

Oh, come on, I told you that in confidence, man. That totally harshed my mellow, bro.

[Movieman]

Oh, come on, I told you that in confidence, man. That totally harshed my mellow, bro.

Don't worry, we know you better than that..
Hey, did they ever find the last one?.....

[furrylemmings]

so where DID you hide the body?

[wdrzal]

I aplaud you and your mother for trying to help, obviously she not trying (for whatever reason ) to change or life style. It could be sheer laziness to deeper emotional issues from her upbring that may need professionally addressed.

You need to cut off this relationship, the sooner the better. Just tell her in a nice way, I really like you but I Don't LOVE YOU. You need to be polite but blunt about that point so she knows (unmistakably) the relationship is over.

[Ethelred]

I don't know anything about your relationship other than what you have said.

With that in mind, talk to her about the problems that you have. You're absolutely right that people don't change, however, their is no point in making a decision based off of no information. See why she is sleeping in, why she doesn't do X, let her know you have a problem with that and that should these things not be resolved she can certainly seek housing elsewhere.

The most difficult thing about moving in with people is adjusting to how they truly are, and now that you live with her you can see how she really is.

Talk to her, face to face and see if there is a solution.

[fart_plume]

Sounds like she is co-dependant, better cut your losses while you still can. It'll be hard because she'll try using guilt on you, sympathy and any number of other tatictics to keep you, But don't buy into it to a co-dependantant is all a game of control. Get out while you can.