Some cake for the Holiday season (hic!)
>
> It is time to start baking for the holidays. This is the BEST Christmas Cookie
> recipe EVER. Be sure to read, and follow, the instructions carefully.
>
> Christmas Cookies
> 1 cup of water
> 1 tsp baking soda
> 1 cup of sugar
> 1 tsp salt
> 1 cup of brown sugar
> Lemon juice
> 4 large eggs
> 1 cup nuts
> 2 cups of dried fruit
> 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
>
> Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again to
> be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the
> electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon
> of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still
> OK, try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and
> add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit up
> off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers
> just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for
> tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jose Cuervo.
> Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of
> sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin
> 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
> Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure
> to put the stove in the dishwasher.
>
> CHERRY
GM's response to Bill gates
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the
way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft; we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna
9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You would have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
(this may be an oldie)
