Joke Thread

A lot of kids do, read the rules, it is a pg forum.

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Ralph. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Ralph says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.

Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Ralph asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.'

Wow mike that was good.

This man was out at his cabin when he sees this bear. He grabs his bow and hits it in the arm.

The bear looks down at his arm and says wtf. He runs over to the man and says wth did you do that for, and tells him that he will eat him or violate him in every way imaginable. The choice is his.

The man doesn't want to get eaten so he tells the bear to violate him. So the bear gives it to him in every way imaginable, then goes off to fish in the river.

The man is really pissed at this point so he storms into his cabin and grabs his rifle takes aim and shoots the bear again.

He runs over to the man and says wth did you do that for, and tells him that he will eat him or violate him in every way imaginable. The choice is his.

The man can't believe this is happening again and agrees to be violated. The bear is extra rough this time around, and goes off fishing again.

The man limps back to his cabin and grabs the elephant gun and thinks this will surely kill that bear. He takes aim and shoots the bear.

The bear runs over to the man grabs him by the neck and says,

You're not in this for the huntin' are ya.