Knowledge, marriage, and such :P

Just live with the person before you propose. You don't know a person until you live with them and have to wash the dishes.

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Originally Posted by [XC] gomeler

Just live with the person before you propose. You don't know a person until you live with them and have to wash the dishes.

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:P indeed

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Originally Posted by Serra

I disagree. If nothing else, what is the point of marrying someone if you're going to live with them long-term anyway? Because it's "a commitment"? Assuming you've taken any religious aspect out (which you probably have if you're already living together), all marriage is is a statement that you would like to continue living together... and you could have just as easily done that without getting married. This is the fastest way to strip marriage of being something special IMO, and I think a lot of the experts agree.

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Well i have had a lot of "long term relations" experiences while i was young. Now, i know "the deal" or "what to do" and married for 22 years so far & loving each others :) But yeah, that's my opinion...

I think sex is too important to have to sort out after you get married. especially if you're a virgin.
if you're both virgins it introduces an interesting situation. You don't know how either of you will react when you begin having sex. for some it becomes a very central part of life, which can create problems if you've thus limited yourself to a single sexual partner and one-dimensional sexual experience.
If there's only one virgin in the mix that too is a problem. Men, there's no avoiding it, we SUCK at sex the first few times around. It doesnt matter who you are, it will be short and, depending on the person and circumstances, embarassing. As for the female virgin, introduction to sex only after marriage, especially with an experienced husband, can create fidelity problems. Either party can end up feeling like they've missed out.
The first time is nothing 'special'. you can make it special by, say, sharing it with someone you care about and are comfortable enough with, or say by doing it in a strange place like the 19th century classics building of the prep school you were kicked out of, but in and of itself the first time is largely a dissapointment for both parties.
at least, that's my reasoning. sorry if that topic was resolved earlier.

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Originally Posted by Asgard_thor

well, since we have a lot experience(movieman, etc) members here, I was wondering if they could shed some light on these situations for us

such as marriage, I'm a bit to young for this 17 at the moment, but just wanting to learn :P

lets see if we can get some life lessons, because personally I never want to go through a divorce :/

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I just read two pages and I'm sitting here going... this kid is 17 yrs ol why is he even thinking about marriage?

Don't let your testicles dry up to one woman go out and have many women then think about it in oh 10 yrs.

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Originally Posted by Asgard_thor

well, since we have a lot experience(movieman, etc) members here, I was wondering if they could shed some light on these situations for us

such as marriage, I'm a bit to young for this 17 at the moment, but just wanting to learn :P

lets see if we can get some life lessons, because personally I never want to go through a divorce :/

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Wait until you find the right woman. The key to knowing who she is is not if you "love" her or not...it's if you realize after some time that she has made you become a better man than you were.;)

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Originally Posted by Serra

I don't have a marriage that has lasted as long as some people's here, but it's 3 years come Wednesday (5-6 years now if you include dating) and I wouldn't think of trading it for the world.

I think I'll probably repeat a lot of what I've been told and that I have seen work: make time for eachother. Not necessarily every day, but regularly and not infrequently. Talk to eachother as well. It doesn't have to be deep heart-to-heart conversations, but make sure to keep lines of communication open.

Be content. If you want the sparkle of early romance every day, you won't find it. You will get to know your partner very well over the years so the chances of you discovering something completely new or having a deep emotional discussion every time you talk will go down noticeably. Don't expect new dynamics every day, but learn to appreciate the ones you have. That's another good one - appreciation. Try to appreciate your spouse every day - I think this is what really makes love deepen.

And, of course, starting out on the right foot helps. Don't rush marriage, I'm sure that's the biggest mistake a person could make. In my own case we did get married after something like 2 years and some change, but we didn't date per-se - we "courted" (it's like dating but without anything remotely physical for a looooong time... like over a year before we started even kissing) which focuses so much more on getting to know the person and makes you learn to look beyond the package. Although I would advocate it to others, I wouldn't expect it from people.... just... yeah, don't rush it.




I disagree. If nothing else, what is the point of marrying someone if you're going to live with them long-term anyway? Because it's "a commitment"? Assuming you've taken any religious aspect out (which you probably have if you're already living together), all marriage is is a statement that you would like to continue living together... and you could have just as easily done that without getting married. This is the fastest way to strip marriage of being something special IMO, and I think a lot of the experts agree.


Edit: Oh, and if you are ever looking at getting married - take an introduction to marriage course with your spouse. They exist in plenty. I had to take one with my wife (really, I had to - the priest wouldn't marry us otherwise) and although I wasn't too keen on it initially, after taking it and looking back on it over the last few years - it was a great experience. Well worth the $20 or so and weekend I gave up for it. Lessons like: don't start insulting eachother - if you disagree, you can each argue your side, but never insult one another. If you're religious, I'm sure your faith community has a few of these that you could sign up with, and otherwise they do exist for the non-religious as well.

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Serra...your kitten avatar has always made my head want to explode from it's cuteness. I must know though, did the kitty get into some raspberry jam or eat somebody's face off??? IE. Sweet kitten or killer kitten, which is it?!?!?!!?:D

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Originally Posted by firebane

I just read two pages and I'm sitting here going... this kid is 17 yrs ol why is he even thinking about marriage?

Don't let your testicles dry up to one woman go out and have many women then think about it in oh 10 yrs.

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I may of said I was thinking about marriage, that is probably because just like I said, I went to a wedding. I don't planned on being married for awhile.

I just wanted all the information in my head to sink in and ponder

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Originally Posted by Asgard_thor

I may of said I was thinking about marriage, that is probably because just like I said, I went to a wedding. I don't planned on being married for awhile.

I just wanted all the information in my head to sink in and ponder

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there's a lot of responsibilities to get married ..
thinking ahead, managing finances, raising a kid ..

getting married also quite similiar to making a company and doing business
it's just doing business is more formal and stricter .. sometimes becoming a boss also requires you to do the minor jobs

Advice?

I'm once divorced, and remarried about two years ago.

1. Communicate. Talk. About everything and anything and nothing. I know guys don't like that but it seriously helps you get an understanding of the other person that you'd never have otherwise.

2. DO NOT focus on sex. While sex is fun, it is NOT the be all and end all of everything. Though you should make a very concerted effort to actually be honest with each other in bed and try to learn each others turn on's and turn off's.

3. Take time for each other. Remember, you chose this person to be your significant other, that means you should spend time together, even if it sometimes means you do things you don't like such as watching a crappy sucky tv show or going to watch a band you can't stand. AND do it without complaint. But expect the same in return.

4. Respect yourself and your significant other. If you can't respect each other, then its over.

5. Trust is paramount. If trust is broken, most relationships will not survive the betrayal. And for good reason.

6. Have fun together. Find things you both like and do them together.

7. Laugh together.

8. Cry together.

9. Realize that this other person IS your best friend in all the world. They will support you when you're down, they will hold you up when you are falling, they will be your rock and you will be all those things for them. Never betray that. EVER.

10. Above all, learn to accept each other for who you are but do not tolerate anyone who wants to change you. If your significant other wants to change who you fundamentally are, then they aren't in love with YOU, they are in love with their image of you. Now, I don't mean "pick up those dirty socks and that wet towel from the floor, and put the cap back on the toothpaste". That kind of stuff is small stuff and you're significant other should be doing them just to be a clean human being and you should do the same for them. No, I mean that, if your significant other hangs out with friends all the time now, go into the relationship knowing that will probably be the case later and don't expect it to change.

11. NEVER EVER TOLERATE AN ABUSER. No exceptions, no excuses. Don't do it. Remember, I talked about respect and this is the pinnacle of respect. For yourself and for the other person. If they are physically, emotionally, sexually, or an abuser of chemicals, do not stand for it. And don't be stupid and put up with it for years. Leave. It will help you both in the long run. It will hurt at first but it WILL get better.

I love my husband. He's my best friend and we have so much fun together. We argue sometimes but so does everyone. I learned alot from my first marriage. I know what to look for now. And my husband.. he's such a truly good man.

You know what he did for Christmas? I thought that we weren't going to get a Christmas tree due to money. And I was prepared to just accept it. This was my very first Christmas in the United States, and back home Christmas was always a very big deal heavily influenced by family Christmas party's. We couldn't have the party that we wanted because we couldn't afford to travel to where our families are this year. Instead, about two weeks before Christmas, I was home sick and asleep. My wonderful fantastic husband did something I totally didn't expect. He went out and bought me a REAL Fir tree for Christmas. And then, when I woke up, we decorated the house together.

He made me cry at the thoughtfullness of it. My first husband would never ever have done such a thing for me. But this wonderful man does stuff like that for me all the time. Like... show up with my favorite chocolate bar, or a single red rose, or something.

I never cease to be amazed with how truly well things are working with us.

Take what I said as you will, but know that what I've said is working very well for my wonderful husband and I. I couldn't imagine life any other way.

thanks alot of info :)

I wish you and your husband all the luck in the world :)