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As a trucker stops for a red light, a voluptuous
blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up
to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker
lowers the window, and she breathlessly says "Hi, my
name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
catches up again. She jumps out of her car, jiggles up
to the side of the truck and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've
never spoken, the blonde tells him brightly, "Hi my
name is Heather, and you are losing some of your
load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car,
bounces up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker
lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is
Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and
races to the next light. When he stops this time, he
hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the
blonde.
He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he
says...
"Hi, my name is Karl, it's winter in Pittsburgh,
and I'm driving a damn SALT TRUCK!"
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GROCERY BAG AND MICHAEL JACKSON?
ONE'S MADE OF PLASTIC AND YOU DONT WANT YOUR KIDS PLAYING WITH IT...........
........THE OTHER YOU YOU CARRY YOUR FOOD HOME IN FROM THE STORE. :D:D:D:D:D
What's Pamela Andersons typical mating call???
Next :D :banana:
Quote:
Originally posted by Tweaked!
What's Pamela Andersons typical mating call???
Next :D :banana:
whats the mating call of a blonde?
I'm drunk!
Whats the mating call of a redhead
I SAID IM DRUNK!!!
Quote:
Whats the mating call of a redhead
I SAID IM DRUNK!!! [/B]
HEY........I never have to repeat myself.......:p:
:toast: :smileysex ::p:
Quote:
Originally posted by GeekGoddess
HEY........I never have to repeat myself.......:p:
:toast: :smileysex ::p:
:D :D :smileysex :smileysex :toast: :banana:
:D * Clever Idiot..
Three men A philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knew, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; If not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up and said, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings". With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to
Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!"
The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat."
The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?" The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my §§§§§§§." The idiot went to Heaven. :D :banana: :D
* Dogs.
Three Labrador retrievers -- one brown, one yellow and one black were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's surgery when they struck up a conversation. The black lab turned to the brown and said, "So why Are you here?"
The brown lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything --the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was
last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?"
"Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the brown lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."the black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch.""So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too." the dejected yellow lab said. The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
"I'm a humper," the black lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, postboxes, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away".The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts off for you too, huh?"
The black lab said, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped." :eek:
:smileysex :bananal: :D
:D A woman walks into a sex store and says to the salesman, "Where are the dildos?"
The clerk says, "On the wall over there..." She looks and then points and says, "OOOOH, I want one of the red ones."
The salesman says, " No, No, lady. The dildos are the ones NEXT to the Fire Extinguisher." :doh:
:D :bounces:
:lol: :ROTF:
Subject: TOUCHING CHRISTMAS STORY
Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute
shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Xmas
season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was
loading my car up with gifts that I felt oligated to buy. I noticed that I
was missing a receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath,
I retraced my steps to the shopping centre entrance.
>
As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet
sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 yrs
old. He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged
flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill.
Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar note in his hand. Thinking
that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He
told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large family. He had
three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was nine years
old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs. She made
very little to support her large family.
Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to buy
her children Christmas presents. The young boy had been dropped off, by his
mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy
presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He
had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred
dollar notes and disappeared into the night.
"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.
The boy said, "I did."
"And nobody came to help you?" I wondered.
The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.
"How loud did you scream?" I inquired.
The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"
I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for
help.
So I grabbed his other hundred and ran off.
hahahahahaha
aw, thats not nice.....
not lol
One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee
were sitting by the side of the ocean.
There was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, how about you and me doing a little Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon" said Jung Lee.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's
the perfect time," Huan Cho begged.
"But Id rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."
"Please Jung Lee, just once do Weeweechu with me."
Jung Lee looked at Huan Cho and said, "OK, let's do Weeweechu."....
Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and both sang....
"Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
and a Happy New Year."
What were you thinking...???
In the news today:
Rossie O'donnel famed tv talk show host and comedian was found dead today. Early reports show cause of death as drowning, the death is supicious as witnesses report they saw her face down on rikki lake. More to come as details are released.
No comments.:rolleyes:
http://www.thelab.gr/attachment.php?postid=8400
...at the freeway.
- Daddy, aren't Ferraries red cars with a horse on them?
- Yes son, why?
- There is one on our side at the moment.
[http://www.thelab.gr/attachment.php?postid=7190
Guy walks into a bar, obviously wayyy to drunk. Walks up to the bartender and demands a drink.
"You're too drunk, we won't serve you"
"You think I'm drunk, you ought to see my girlfriend outside in the car. She's so drunk she has her pantyhose up over her arms, and every time I kiss her she farts in my face"
A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for
her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock
at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws
open the door and begins to rant about
the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole
line is backing up, putting the entire plant behind schedule. The
Personnel
Manager decides that he should see this for himself so the two men march
down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up
that
there are Elmo's all over the floor and they're really beginning to pile
up.
At the end of the line stands the new employee. She has a roll of red plush
fabric and a big bag of marbles. The men watch in amazement as she cuts a
little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew the
little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into
laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he
pulls himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to
her, barely
able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood me yesterday.
Your job is to give each Elmo two test tickles.
:D
:D :lol: :rotf: OMG....now that joke had balls!! ;)
Quote:
Originally posted by JBELL
What were you thinking...???
:( :eek: i gotta get my mind outta the gutter.
PEST CONTROL
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a
pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover," into the closet!", and she
pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.
"Who are you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,"said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said,........
"Those little bastards."
:rotf:Quote:
Originally posted by GeekGoddess
:D * Clever Idiot..
Three men A philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knew, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; If not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up and said, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings". With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to
Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!"
The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat."
The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?" The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my §§§§§§§." The idiot went to Heaven. :D :banana: :D
NONE NEEDED!!!!!Quote: