Probably be getting kicked out of home

[Duh]

Hi guys, even though it might not be the place believe it or not is the best I could find. As the subject says I might be kicked off away from home. Relationship with my relatives has taken the stage of being denigrated without any logical argument.

My profile/presentation is:

My name is Juan and I live in Buenos Aires (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buenos_Aires) :

-med student ( 3rd grade of the biggest university which is FREE;yes FREE) which costed me enormous amount of energy to achieve.

- part time/pocket money worker ( I don´t have the energy to do the stuff on my own so I pay a bunch of mates to help me, they get exactly the same amount $ as I get/it is a paid for work job-> you work more you get more $). I get approximately $150 per/mo ( I know its not polite to talk about numbers but given the situation I must) and I work like a mule for it ( I like it as I work from home using my computer, can´t complain at all).

-do some weight lifting in a very light way ( no steroids, protein, weigh gainers, creatine, or any other tricky sh.. , of course I am not very biggie, although I am 1.93 m tall) which helps me cope with everyday stuff.

-I don´t drink ( I might in a special ocassion) and have never tried smoking any weird thing ( the bob marley thing)

-I know and assumed I have had several psychiatric issues since I was 16, I am 24 years old now (started with panic attacks and now that is solved and I am being diagnosed ADHD). I tend to get very irritable and somehow frustrated .I mainly attribute this to lack of capability to solve issues as I had serotonin targeted meds when they had nothing to do ( that made me loose 5 years of my life approx as I started with those crappy Freudologists and then had the meds).

Even though I know my way of being towards my mom and sister is not like a lamb I am not like the devil either, BUT they are completely inconsiderate and give a s. about my stuff. I have to beg for money to buy my meds ( which can cost as an exaggerated cost $100/mo) when at the same time they buy a 200 bucks coat for my sister ( 20 years old) for THE season . After the season ends she wipes it ( its not even to protect herself from cold, its just the fashion sh..). When I complain about that type of things ( those happen approx 5 times a day) they try to piss me off. My dad even threatened me to call the police ( at the time he was still living here) as he was a drunk coward who used to beat me and know that I am a grown up mofo with a respectable body I confront him .

I know many of this stuff repeats and thank god I have a relatively stable situation, but If I get kicked I would have to quit my studies (completely unfair as I paid for my books and other stuff that costed quite a bunch when the same did not happen with my sister).

Get some anger with my sister who is the sonuva that shuts down the computer she and my mom uses when I asked her not to do so ( she even said she like the project and pays us that way :down:.. not a big cruncher but every bit helps our beloved team mates who suffer and don´t deserver what they´ve got ( Jon, Scott, Chris and many others whom I recall about every day and think about).

I know I sound like a little boy whining but I would love to hear if possible any suggestions. I try to be gentle and my mom attends to church but when she arrives here she does everything the other way :shakes: :shrug:

I am leaving my rig only folding for tonight to try some stuff. I love you guys! Its 520 am and I had a smashing day, I am going to have some sleep!

J

[soundood]

every persons situation is very differant, but one thing has a common factor.,

boys at home are seen as a hinderance / girls are not

this is due to many factors,

alpha male thing between father and son
sons are 'expected' to carve a life out, girls are expected to marry (old tradition, but still aplies)
girls abiltity to seem helpful and understanding (young men seem to take many years to gain this)

although i cant comment specificaly for you, in general, boys/men over the age of 20, start to look and feel like a square peg in a round hole at home.

for myself this wasnt a problem, i left home at 16 and never looked back, although a hard decision, this is one of your options, the other is to stay and conform until you got your med degree.

best of luck with your decision :up:

[PoppaGeek]

You need to finish school. That is the rest of your life.

I too have a long history of depression related problems and quit taking Big Pharm crap years ago. I went natural and won't go back. I get most of my info from www.wholehealthmd.com and their recommendations for ADHD are here (http://www.wholehealthmd.com/ME2/dirmod.asp?sid=289953EC31774581A350521638E25DDF&nm=Healing+Centers&type=AWHN_HealingCenters&mod=Home&tier=4&id=76738CB943904754A80EBCFF26FF630B). Notice they have nothing for sale and no advertising. Most are registered practicing MDs. Hopefully these suppliments are available in your country. They are alot cheaper and no or mild side effects.

As far as the home/family I will be blunt and say when you live under someone else roof ya need to go along with their rules. Sounds like right now ya need a place to live until you can finish your studies. Suck it up, kiss a$$. This is coming from a fiercely independent person who is too quick to tell someone to kiss off. But sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do. When I was first divorced I did not have my own place and spent weekends at friends and relatives homes. I did chores and bought treats at the grocery as thank you. And made my life integrate with theirs. If ya have problems getting along with sis or mom then try and minimize the amount of time you are around them. While there are times ya need to stand up for yourself there are times to walk away, let the other person be right. Maybe in time you can find other living situations and won't need them. Right now looks like ya do. Don't let pride or orneriness screw up your future.

Hope ya work it out and stay in school.:up:

[Martijn]

I've been through quite the same thing here, although I don't really have much problems at home. My main problems with the parents are computer and power related ;)

I was threatened of being kicked out of the house as well. In the Netherlands however, we've got a fund for students that don't live with their parents any more (ie. on campus). It's not much, but it allows you to pay for vital stuff like house rent and food. On top of that we can borrow €500/month from the government, which we have to pay back within 10 years of finishing our studies. Do you have something similar? Tried to talk? I mean reasonably? I know this might be hard as soon as tempers rise considering you've got ADHD, but let me tell you this: a close friend of mine has Tourette syndrome. He's had quite a few problems at home and at school, but he managed just fine. He's now at university as well. I'm sure you'd be able to handle whatever problems you have. If you don't want to talk to your parents, talk to your friends or your family. They can and will help you. Right now you just need a place to stay and finish your studies.

[s0lid]

Heh i've had same problems with my parents that martijn have :p:

Tho no mentioning about kicking me out yet, most likely i'll finish vocational school and then go to military service.
After that who knows?

[MikeB12]

if there's one thing in my life that I've learned concerning family, it's "family never stops being one big continuous compromise", doesn't matter if family means parents, siblings, wife, son or daughter.. and it usually doesn''t make sense by your standards or logic. you either learn to live with the compromises or you go off on your own in life. It gets easier to accept as you get older. I think every male goes through that in their 20's and 30's. by the time you hit 40 you've either learned to turn the other cheek and just accept the compromises, or you have left them behind and moved on in your own direction. that's the bottom line truth.

[dengyong]

You can't make demands as to how your parents spend their money or use their electricity.
You're an adult now, they don't owe you anything.
If there's something you must have that your parents don't freely offer, then you'll just have to work for it.
Instead of being angry about what you don't have, be thankful for what you do have. There are millions of people around the world that don't have it so good.

[Bobsama]

My suggestion would be to get yourself in debt. Even with a free ride thru college, I'd suggest you take out a loan or two to pay for renting an apartment and your normal living expenses. Even in poor conditions, few lenders will refuse a medical student, at least up north in the USA. Don't get in the hole deep of course, but get everything together.

And to be fair, I completely agree with how your parents are being unfair. You're going out and getting a very respectable career while attending grad school. What you're doing isn't easy, but it's not like you can sign up for some company and they'll pay your way for you.

[loonym]

Alright then, come on over and I'll set up a cot in the basement or something. :D

[Snow Crash]

In a few years when you are a doctor and have your own place these issues will likely seem much smaller and I would hate to see you make any hastey or rash decisions because of the angst you feel right now. Find someone that you can talk to about your feelings. Be careful when placing blame or telling yourself that you are right and they are wrong because unless they are abusing you (like your dad did) there is no right and wrong, just different ways to do think, act and feel. The only thing you can change is yourself, not them. I would suggest that you work as much as necessary to buy your own meds, stop ranting at them about how they treat you sister differently (nothing changes and everyone gets upset), and please stop trying to force them to crunch. Keep in mind that if they have experienced a man who beats people (your dad) then your mother and sister are likely scared of you when you get angry. Yes, the recent posts and references to fellow crunchers with life threatening illnesses bring tears to my eyes and pain to my heart but if you have no home to live in you will not be able to crunch at all. We all make decisions we would like to change later in life and I would stongly suggest that you think carefully about any decision that would lead to the police coming to your house or you dropping out of school.

I sincerely wish you all the best the world has to offer,
Steve

[Duh]

Guys I really feel your love and makes me comfortable to have so much backup from you! At this moment I am packing my stuff in order to go to pass the day at one of my friends house and sleep there. I have uncountable problems and would not hesitate to adapt to a foreign house and work for them as an inmediate compensation ( I would like if I could compensate that love later on)

Every answer I got here is accurate and helpful. I promise I will take the necessary time to answer every nice piece of advice.

I only wish I could pass the current subject I am studying for ( it is anual and it is the passport for subjects that are easier to get through, more oriented with the career itself and I would be able to get a (self) proper income in a parallel arena.

[dengyong]

Please remember that respect has to be earned, even from your family.

Go out of your way to be kind to your family and show your appreciation for all they've done for you.

Show them the man you want to be and you will gain their love and respect.

[Duh]

My suggestion would be to get yourself in debt. Even with a free ride thru college, I'd suggest you take out a loan or two to pay for renting an apartment and your normal living expenses. Even in poor conditions, few lenders will refuse a medical student, at least up north in the USA. Don't get in the hole deep of course, but get everything together.

And to be fair, I completely agree with how your parents are being unfair. You're going out and getting a very respectable career while attending grad school. What you're doing isn't easy, but it's not like you can sign up for some company and they'll pay your way for you.

well I guess will slap my ass for being late ( as I started replying here :D)

University here is free ( you can opt to go to the private one which is most of the times easier and is quite :banana::banana::banana::banana:ty). What makes me angry is that my dad does not even work . He is isolated and has a fixed income due to some sh.. ( nothing big) and has the money for himself. My normal living cost ( monthly basis) is around $100. Maybe add another 100 for food ( which I currently don´t pay). Living in my own place is something out of question ( big money) and we don´t have campuses ( not in my University). Maybe I´ll have to burn the lil reserves I´ve got until I can make it through this year.

I am willing to take this mofos to court ( as commented before in other threads) I had my back broken due to the jerk of my dad driving when he shouldnt . I big pieces of titanium attached ( via drilling) to my bones. Some years ago I got them removed. I have a big scar in my back and in my bottom ( a piece of hip was cut to patch and help to make the prosthesis). what really pisses me off is not being ask to forgive him, even a meant hug would do it. When I have such a pain that my body brakes into 2 he says that it can´t be due to the surgery ( yeah, the same guy who mixes sleeping aids with alcohol without giving a sh..)..

[Duh]

Please remember that respect has to be earned, even from your family.

Go out of your way to be kind to your family and show your appreciation for all they've done for you.

Show them the man you want to be and you will gain their love and respect.

I remember and consider that stuff but when certain limits are hindered you can´t have any more respect. You as American ( I can´t tell if you are due to your location) would have respect for the ones who did what they did in 9-11 in NYC? I wouldn´t.. DOn´t take it the bad way.. I am just trying to make my point :)

[Duh]

You need to finish school. That is the rest of your life.

I too have a long history of depression related problems and quit taking Big Pharm crap years ago. I went natural and won't go back. I get most of my info from www.wholehealthmd.com and their recommendations for ADHD are here (http://www.wholehealthmd.com/ME2/dirmod.asp?sid=289953EC31774581A350521638E25DDF&nm=Healing+Centers&type=AWHN_HealingCenters&mod=Home&tier=4&id=76738CB943904754A80EBCFF26FF630B). Notice they have nothing for sale and no advertising. Most are registered practicing MDs. Hopefully these suppliments are available in your country. They are alot cheaper and no or mild side effects.

As far as the home/family I will be blunt and say when you live under someone else roof ya need to go along with their rules. Sounds like right now ya need a place to live until you can finish your studies. Suck it up, kiss a$$. This is coming from a fiercely independent person who is too quick to tell someone to kiss off. But sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do. When I was first divorced I did not have my own place and spent weekends at friends and relatives homes. I did chores and bought treats at the grocery as thank you. And made my life integrate with theirs. If ya have problems getting along with sis or mom then try and minimize the amount of time you are around them. While there are times ya need to stand up for yourself there are times to walk away, let the other person be right. Maybe in time you can find other living situations and won't need them. Right now looks like ya do. Don't let pride or orneriness screw up your future.

Hope ya work it out and stay in school.:up:


many thanks dude.. I thought no one used DMAE ( only a friend of mine used it for none skin treatment)

[CmB]

I'm not one who can really offer advice. I can understand, at least academically, what you're going through. I've had a lot of similiar issues. The good news is you can get through. Now, I'm finding religion and I don't want to push on anybody--I really hate that...but maybe a religious group could offer help and/or advice. The other thing is that even though families can suck and really don't understand much of anything, they are your family and you're only going to get one biological family. I have valid reasons for hating mine, but I don't. If they're weaker than me it just means I have to be stronger. It's not easy, especially now. If it's really not doable to have peace with them, then that's how it will be.

We can only work with ourselves, we cannot control anybody else's actions. Just sit down if you can, and try to get your breath. One more day, just give it one more day. Eventually, you'll get where you want. Like I did, through all the thigns I've done and have and done to me, I did find happiness. Don't throw it away like I did. As long as I have strangth to walk I'm going to dedicate myself to helping people and trying to make this :banana::banana::banana::banana:ed up world a better place. it's all I can do.

[dengyong]

I remember and consider that stuff but when certain limits are hindered you can´t have any more respect. You as American ( I can´t tell if you are due to your location) would have respect for the ones who did what they did in 9-11 in NYC? I wouldn´t.. DOn´t take it the bad way.. I am just trying to make my point :)

No worries, but I speak to you as a man who has cut ties with most of his family and wishes he could have done things differently.
I wish you the best of luck.

[Duh]

Alright then, come on over and I'll set up a cot in the basement or something. :D

thanks my friend.. the only con is that I am about 15k km away from you and lectures are in another language :P

I am considering moving on to switzerland ( I am Swiss citizen) as soon as I end with my career.. It might be another country though..

[Smartidiot89]

I feel for you, I grew up in a home where I was more a slave then anything else... I went to school, came home to clean/take dogs out and be a "father" for my little sister, while the others did absolutely nothing and I was the one who never got any money either, and basically I had no such thing as a social life. I wasn't a rebelious teenager all I ever did was to try and satisfy my mother but nothing was ever enough and I got yelled at every day.

I moved away at the age of 17 into a small department with my girlfriend, without a job or money just some stuff on the side and my school which barely was enough to feed ourselves yet pay the rent but atleast I was alive for the first time in years. I had no contact with my family who got really upset about me moving for a few months and my mom got help for her psychological issues...

Today I am 19 (20 in September) and I finished school. Still living together with my girlfriend and we're steedy for 3 years in October together with our 2 "babies" or cats :p:

I never looked back, and don't regret for a second what I did.

[Bobsama]

thanks my friend.. the only con is that I am about 15k km away from you and lectures are in another language :P

I am considering moving on to switzerland ( I am Swiss citizen) as soon as I end with my career.. It might be another country though..
Es sind kleine und grosse scheisst uberall.

[Martijn]

Es sind kleine und grosse scheisst uberall.

Very true, although I believe it's 'Es gibt'. My German sucks though :p:

[Duh]

No worries, but I speak to you as a man who has cut ties with most of his family and wishes he could have done things differently.
I wish you the best of luck.

thanks mate.. I am back ( had been in a couple of friends house) but it is tough to make good decisions without having the meds you need ( as you don´t have money to pay for it :S). For some greedy reason laboratories are not pulling down the medication I need ( it is called atomoxetine ). I attended classes today ( after cutting since 6 days ago many of the meds) and it was pretty useless. I mean : I am there to learn how to be able to help to cure people and I can´t even help myself :down: .. tough days guys ( I am not giving up yet though)

this bastards I live with don´t even allow me to use heating in my room while I am asleep as they say that it is something I can´t enjoy/appreciate as I am sleeping ( I am not joking they said so and it hasn´t got any sense).

[Duh]

Es sind kleine und grosse scheisst uberall.

I said swiss citizen not german speaker ( I´ve got a VERY VERY primitive German)

[PoppaGeek]

Sorry things continue to be hard for ya. I had a good friend who had ADHD. It was rough for him when he was off meds.

Hang in there :up:

[Duh]

Sorry things continue to be hard for ya. I had a good friend who had ADHD. It was rough for him when he was off meds.

Hang in there :up:

thanks dude I feel you. Its just as you couldnt cope with anything literally .. completely frustrating :shakes:

[Naja002]

Sounds like you are in a Codependent relationship. Look up Codependency and the Karpman Drama Triangle if you want to begin understanding what is, has and will continue going on. "Codependency" cannot be "inferred" by the word--LOOK it up and do some studying! Codependency is NOT about finding solutions to the problem--it is solely about the DRAMA.

They are trying to undermine you...just the way it works. You play their game--their way....or they work AGAINST you. :up:

Time to study. You won't like what you find.

Best of luck! :up::up:


EDIT: To continue on a bit. Codependency was discovered through the relationships of Alcoholics. Then addicts generally and now outside of addiction. It's a confusing subject, because many codependent "qualities" are positive social qualities--just taken too far or out-of-balance. Addicts establish codependent relationships through all avenues of life: partner/spouse, children, siblings, work, social, etc, etc, etc. It takes two to tango, so by not playing their game--you are the enemy. They will try to beat you down and kill your soul--to make you just like them. By playing their game--they will beat you down and kill your soul....that's just how it goes. Many Good, well-intentioned people are tricked, then trapped into codependent relationships--the only way out is to understand what's going on, how it works, step off of the drama triangle and NOT get conned back on to it.

Best thing you can do IMO is get out. But if you cannot afford that...then learn what is actually going on, how it works and try to figure out how to deal with the situation in a way that is positive FOR YOU. You cannot save them. Period. Save YOURSELF. If you have access to mental health care then I highly recommend that you go sit down with a psychologist, explain that you are in a codependent situation and need help trying to sort out how to handle the situation until you can finish school and get out on your own.

In the long run, they will never bring anything to your life except BS. So, you may want to start realizing that the best thing you can do for YOU is to remove them from your life--or at least seriously limit your contact with them. Not pleasant for many. Impossible for some to handle. All of the choices are yours.

[Duh]

many thanks dude I am reading the stuff you posted :)

off topic: I really admire your water cooling projects :)