Let's Play: Try to Amuse Me 2008 (3rd Edition)

[Particle]

Greetings, fellas. I do this contest from time to time on different boards where I ask people to post whatever they feel might amuse me. It can be text jokes, funny pictures, videos, or anything you feel might get the job done. Points go for originality as well, so if it's a lolcat picture everyone has seen a thousand times, you probably aren't going to win even though it's a classic. The point of this contest is to encourage creativity with an actual reward. If the material is good, everyone reading the thread gets something out of it! :)

This session's prize: Samsung Spinpoint F1 HD103UJ 1TB 7200 RPM 32MB Cache SATA 3.0Gb/s Hard Drive (http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16822152102) :up:

It's the fastest 1TB SATA drive on the market I believe.





A winner will be chosen on December 15th. Entries must be made before noon (central) on 12/15/2008.





After doing this a few times, I've learned some fine print is necessary.

Fine print:
Multiple entries per person allowed. You must be willing to provide a name and address or I can't ship anything to you. Entries are judged purely on my perceptions--popular opinion doesn't matter. That isn't the point. Don't post anything that is against forum rules. Preferably no sex jokes. There will be only one winner. It will take a while after you win to get your item. I have to first buy it and then get your shipping details...then ship it off again to you. Expect a lag of a week or two, especially around this Christmas season. I'm not responsible for compatibility issues. I will be buying a brand new piece of hardware. If the drive is DOA, you will need to warranty it through the manufacturer--I'm not a service hub. I take no responsibility for any damages of any kind related to or in spite of the prize or this contest.

Good luck! :clap:

[aspire.comptech]

http://i37.tinypic.com/2uyj3ww.png

http://i37.tinypic.com/2rf3jvr.jpg

http://i33.tinypic.com/2sa137k.jpg

http://i36.tinypic.com/5x50er.png

http://i37.tinypic.com/25k6jo3.jpg

/win

[kylepaddock]

Jony calls up sally:
Saly: Hello this is Sally
Jony: This is Death
Sally: Hello
Jony: This is death
Sally: What?????
Jony: DEATH
Sally: this is Dusty??
Jony:NO This is DEATH
Sally: who is this?
Jony: this is not jony
Sally: ok?
Sally: I know who it is not
Jony: who?
Sally: Jony
Jony hangs up.



http://www.funnypictures.net.au/images/kitten-with-hands-up-gun-pointed-at-it1.jpg
http://tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:QwsPBk_590_1uM:http://bp0.blogger.com/_8IcO1ehweFs/R2HsCzRKURI/AAAAAAAABxw/NF88t4uwtBA/s320/smile%2Bwait%2Bfor%2Bflash.jpg


http://media.funny.co.uk/files/2811.jpg

[Sliced Cheese]

Alright, very generous ;)
You have your own army to browse the internet and get back to you with only the best, nice plan. :D

I didn't want my post to be ridiculously huge, so I'll mostly be providing links for your enjoyment.

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=36127 - why can they get us tools? :P

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=20076 - this has to be one of the funniest things ive heard in a while

And now... A collection of my favourite quotes

"The glass is neither half-full, nor half-empty, it is twice as big as it needs to be."
"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs."
"To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."
"There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand trinary, those who don't, and those who confuse it with binary."
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
"He who laughs last, didn't get it."

On to youtube!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obIGsb-IZMo - bo burnham is hilarious, you have probably already heard his stuff, but if not, you'll enjoy this, check out his other songs too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvltzwkUEEA - the mantage! nuff said. :D

Ok, enough youtube, I'm sure we've all wasted a significant chunk of our lives there anyhow.

Again, if you've spent any time on the internet you've probably visited this site, but if not, i present....Maddox!
http://maddox.xmission.com/

Since you asked for things to amuse you, not necessarily make you laugh, lets move on to things that are interesting/cool

The biggest nuke ever detonated - Tsar Bomba - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tsar_Bomba
and a video... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxD44HO8dNQ

Something i found really interesting - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9KT4M7kiSw

This site is neat - http://www.howstuffworks.com/

One of the greatest bits of Colbert ever - http://watch.thecomedynetwork.ca/#clip99543\

This game is fun - http://www.addictinggames.com/pacxon.html

Intriguingly addicting... - http://www.smalltime.com/Dictator

Got a song stuck in your head? Can't figure it out? - http://www.bored.com/songtapper/s/tappingmain.bin?dotap=1

Endless possibilities - http://www.2flashgames.com/f/f-548.htm

Well, that's about all I can think of right now, you could spend a long time on that stuff though, if I think of anything else you might like, I'll update my post (unless that's against the rules?).

Thanks again for being so generous :up:

[Bobsama]

http://www.xtremesystems.org/forums/showthread.php?t=209950

That's all I have to add.

[twilyth]

A married couple was
in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

[dduckquack]

http://www.geekologie.com/2008/11/13/spider-2.jpg

[sno.lcn]

My shameless roomate...

Singing This Old Man song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKqEb6jAMqU

Dancing like a moron: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmcm-Xjyaro

Playing Guitar Hero: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D_0OOfRWmA


And this is officially the worst post I've ever made on any forum :slapass:

[Ket]

*cough*..... everybody loves it when everyone is messing around, and its always hilarious when someone gets hurt.... this unfortunate pictorial involves me, some years back now, but has become legend among friends. Hopefully you will find it equally amusing :D

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v187/bizket/n784810633_807322_75.jpg
Theres me in the middle background.. whats this? A cushion fight! COOOL! (Notice the position Rachaels hand is at, the one holding the cushion)

What happens next I wonder? I'll let the picture tell the story.........

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v187/bizket/n784810633_807327_1086.jpg

I think the facial expression alone is enough :p:

[slugbug]

A Joke my Sister sent me:

An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon between her legs. When she came out, the old man cried, 'You can't go out like that!"
She said, "I can go anyway I like and so can you."

Whereupon he retired to the bedroom and came out stark raving naked
with a potato tied to his tallywhacker.
The old woman says, "you're going out like that?"
And he replies, "Yep, if you can go as a sour-puss, I can go as a dicktater"

[Ket]

lol, not bad :D I'm gonna have to try an remember that.

[slugbug]

HILLBILLY AND A MIRROR

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.

In one of the big city stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.

Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, 'How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy.' He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn.

Every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.

As she looked in the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly hag he's runnin' around with.'

[slugbug]

Don't you just love happy endings :)

http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b167/slugbug55/pic171891.jpg

[Frontl1ne]

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick f*****s)
<anamexis> :<

[devit]

Just a little story ...a simple job:

Boss: At the beginning, Be good, you will be fine
http://www.xtremesystems.org/forums/picture.php?albumid=166&pictureid=344



After one week
Need to work harder!!
http://www.xtremesystems.org/forums/picture.php?albumid=166&pictureid=349


after one month
Need to work harder for the company!
http://www.xtremesystems.org/forums/picture.php?albumid=166&pictureid=348



After one quater
I’ve told u to work harder…u heard me!!!??
http://www.xtremesystems.org/forums/picture.php?albumid=166&pictureid=347




Now that`s what i call a hungry boss :)

[Lucy]

http://img116.imageshack.us/img116/5121/170068133c5926c1e57cb9.jpg

[HDCHOPPER]

ok the's two bikers are crusing down the hiway
just jamming along at 110 mph thay pass a hiway patrol car
the hiway patrol throws on the lights hits the siren
ole Bob the driver tells his partner Jack to call
all cars within 10 mile radius to get in on the persuit
the two bikers see all this happening behind them
looks up and see's more patrol cars comming in from all directions!
Rat yells over at Tank " hay bro we better duck into that bunch of trees up thier on the right!"
thay commence to downshifting and slamming on the brakes sliding to a stop and
just bearly makeing it into the woods before 4 patrol cars pull into the turnoff
roll up to the bunch of trees whip out thier firearms duck behind thier doors and start shouting
" come out with your hands up !"
seeing no one appearing
ole Bob tells Jack to go & take 2 other hiway patrol officers with him into the woods to arrest the bikers
thay slowly make thier way into the trees until thay dissapeared ....... about 10 minutes later
Jack came crawling out all brusied and bleeding screaming " dont go in thier cough* cough* it's a TRAP !! thiers two of them !!!!!

[VOID WARRANTY]

What do women and hurricanes have in common?....they both enter your life wet and wild....but when they leave they take your house and car

[__Miguel_]

Ok, this one sounds good fun.

Up to this day, this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ_lXJTaT5g) Youtube clip is the funniest thing I have EVER seen. 6':22'' of pure laughter, at some time the show presenter actually laughed so hard he was crying (which actually makes it even funnier).

This one is too funny not to post it, winning or no winning.

Btw, there are pretty funny stuff already posted. Not sure if that thread about MovieMan is a safe bet, though... Sure, it's funny, but it can probably p*** someone off - namely MM, and that's always a bad idea... :ROTF:

Cheers.

Miguel

[chew*]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y275/Riversnake/Funny%20Pics/PCFail.jpg


And for a joke lets see........O ya what do kmart and michael jackson both have in common, On a regular basis they both have little boys pants 50% off.

[clo007]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf7e4KqGOQQ&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2SateaTLZU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7qmJc0lk9o&feature=related

and the best for last...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwhHmDy-t1Y

[Riggs]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqzWNK5tL14

LOL!

[Martijn]

I've got to enter this: :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfkDxF2kn1I

[Ket]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y275/Riversnake/Funny%20Pics/PCFail.jpg


And for a joke lets see........O ya what do kmart and michael jackson both have in common, On a regular basis they both have little boys pants 50% off.

Hahaha I remember that, has to be the funniest thing I ever read. I wonder what happen to that guys "friend", after all he was the one who put the idea in his head to cut the PCB :p:

[INJViper]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b74nHWnixdE

[Riggs]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-88Y1-TlASM

[Particle]

Samsung hard drive has been purchased. :up: Now we just have to wait and see who the winner is.

[jason str]

This summer i was hanging out around lake Michigan jogging down the beach every morning trying to get back in shape when i came across this girl with no arms or legs crying her eyes out so i went up and asked what was the matter she tellls me she has never been hugged by a man before so feeling sorry for her i gave her a hug and went on my way, the next day there she was in the same spot crying again so i jogged up to her and asked whats wrong now, she tells me she has never been kissed by a man before so i gave her a quick little kiss and went on my way, once again sure enough the next day there she was laying in the very same spot as the days before crying her eyes out once again i jogged up to see what was the matter now, she tells me she has never been screwed by a man before so i picked her up threw her in the lake and yelled now youre screwed.

Cleaned it up the best i could.;)

[hstuehmeyer2000]

http://img122.imageshack.us/img122/8327/chair1ye8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
http://img367.imageshack.us/img367/3705/desk1kb4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP3xiLKJ9_4

More funny stuff from the same show,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh5XVPSx9Dk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAn8rgrcGRU&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kicPPCN2ErQ&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-Lnfpulwjc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GUV3dUovqM&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6P1kTwHUuU&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KYOu2oKZJ0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJJrjDI5xSQ&feature=related
etc. this could go on forever LOL:D

Other funny stuff,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oC2dYVxO9vw(lanuage warning but hilarious)
\http://www.truveo.com/Dave-Chappelle-Fisticuffs/id/3406602144
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PS-rKxwCeE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sh7B7s3-pGs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzs_VkACuZk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLYelAh60FY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlFF2NB2jhM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPAi5u3Qykc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijAsiUuGfBc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss-1DIYDmqo&feature=related

Thats all I could think off of the top of my head. I will update this post at a later time possibly.:up:

[Omastar]

What's the difference between a woman and a refrigerator?








The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

[little_scrapper]

Check this out. Two days ago I was heading over to the campus to drop off some papers and talk to a couple people. So I'm just driving along about 55mph and suddenly this big fat pidgeon swoops across the road right in front of me and bam! smacks right into the bottom of my windshield. This bird gets wedged under the windshield wiper arm. So i'm driving along for about a half mile wondering if this this is going to work itself off, the whole time this thing is trapped under the wiper, and its just flapping away like mad. I tried speeding up and jacking the brakes a couple times but that obviously wasnt going to work and I couldnt quite reach it so ..wth... I'll turn on the wipers. So now here I am driving down the road with this big fat pidgeon just a flapping away like mad as it is being dragged back and fourth across my windshield. So I start varying the speed of the wipers and giveing it some juice because the darn bird has now pooped all over my windshield. So another maybe half mile and this thing is flapping away trying to get loose and smearing all over my windshild when suddenly, FINALLY, it breaks loose. FLIP! The thing goes flipping over the truck and lands SMACK! right into the windshild of the car behind me. The car behind me was a state trooper. So needless to say I was immediately pulled over. So the trooper is super pissed off and has some choice words for me, but he checks me out and Im clean, but he still tells me to "just wait right here, I'm giving you a ticked" I'm like WTH for what. So I asked "what for?"..... He says to me... "for flipping me the bird."

:)

[little_scrapper]

He is one from way back in the days. Everyone has heard of Head Ski's right. So they put up this big billboard adversiting right next to 94east in St. Paul. The add says "Give us HEAD SKI'S" with a bunch of people with Ski's. So my dad climbs up there with a can of spray paint and yep you guessed it... covers up the word skis....That thing was there for months! Right next to the buisiest highway in the twin cities.

http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/2100/giveusheadrv2.jpg

[little_scrapper]

http://img150.imageshack.us/img150/3610/pic31353uq1.jpg

[jason str]

http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/jj245/jasonstr/funny-1.jpg

[clo007]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLhNkbAubfY&NR=1

[serious1]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5Ilq3kFxek
The cat doesn't get hurt. Funniest video I can remember!

[l33t p1mp]

http://i37.tinypic.com/2uyj3ww.png

http://i37.tinypic.com/2rf3jvr.jpg

http://i33.tinypic.com/2sa137k.jpg

http://i36.tinypic.com/5x50er.png

http://i37.tinypic.com/25k6jo3.jpg

/win

Lurk moar new:banana::banana::banana:. :D

As for the joke.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXp2ruZoxK8

Here's the sequel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yx4kCKvpvk&feature=channel

[CorruptHawkeyez]

Only a few pics I've just found around the net.

http://eliteflyers.org/images/frohat.JPG

http://eliteflyers.org/images/internet.JPG

http://eliteflyers.org/images/moose.JPG
And my favorite:
http://eliteflyers.org/images/pikachu.JPG


And if you like anything to do with Flightsims or Flight Simulator X, then check out this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fej9EWWLSsw

[l33t p1mp]

Lol I remember that vagina one, its hilarious.

http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l233/Rosewater_Scent/clown_meat.jpg

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a320/GenAnesthesia/20070531-230935.jpg

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/2007/12/2girls.jpg

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/2007/12/DAMN50.jpg

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/2007/12/RosieODonnell.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v704/sycholess/awife.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v704/sycholess/blasphemy.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v704/sycholess/teamkillers.jpg

http://www.snurk.com/files/images/coolness.preview.jpg

[Deluge]

http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/FunFiles/FunFilesDetails.asp?ArticleID=72

A car crash in Texas... enjoy :D

[trapezoid]

This thread is hilarious!!

[Particle]

More of the picture ones and text jokes please. Watching all the videos is taking a lot of time. :)

[Rinaun]

for anyone who hasn't seen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM5TF42hNIk&eurl=http://www.left4dead411.com/

HUNTER!!!

[pythagoras]

I hear that a lot of Americans still dont know the difference between Iraq and Iran.

Iran is the country that does have weapons of mass destruction :sofa:

[kylepaddock]

here is another:



A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?''

The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''

''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?''

''Yeah, he's my dad.''

''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?''

The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''

The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.''

''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''

The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''
The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.



and another


God vs. Science
>
'Let me explain the problem science has with
> religion.'

The atheist professor of philosophy pauses
> before his class and then asks one of his new students to
> stand.
>
>
>
>
>
> 'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'
>
> 'Yes sir,' the student says.
>
> 'So you believe in God?'
>
> 'Absolutely.
>
> 'Is God good?'
>
> 'Sure! God's good.'
>
> 'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'
>
> 'Yes'
>
> 'Are you good or evil?'
>
> 'The Bible says I'm evil.'
>
> The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!' He
> considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you.
> Let's say there's a sick person over here and you
> can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you
> try?'
>
> 'Yes sir, I would.'
>
> 'So you're good...!'
>
> 'I wouldn't say that.'
>
> 'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed
> person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God
> doesn't.'
>
> The student does not answer, so the professor continues.
> 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who
> died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him.
> How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that
> one?'
>
> The student remains silent.
>
> 'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says.
> He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the
> student time to relax.
>
> 'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'
>
> 'Er..yes,' the student says.
>
> 'Is Satan good?'
>
> The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'
>
> 'Then where does Satan come from?'
>
> The student falters. 'From God'
>
> 'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell
> me, son. Is there evil in this world?'
>
> 'Yes, sir.'
>
> 'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make
> everything correct??
>
> 'Yes'
>
> 'So who created evil?' The professor continued,
> 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since
> evil exists, and according to the principle that our works
> define who we are, then God is evil.'
>
> Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness?
> Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do
> they exist in this world?'
>
> The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'
>
> 'So who created them?'
>
> The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats
> his question. 'Who created them?' There is still no
> answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front
> of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. 'Tell
> me,' he continues onto another student.
>
> 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?
>
> The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes,
> professor, I do.'
>
> The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five
> senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.
> Have you ever seen Jesus?'
>
> 'No sir. I've never seen Him.'
>
> 'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'
>
> 'No, sir, I have not.'
>
> 'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or
> smelled your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception
> of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'
>
> 'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'
>
> 'Yet you still believe in him?'
>
> 'Yes'
>
> 'According to the rules of empirical, testable,
> demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't
> exist. What do you say to that, son?'
>
> 'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my
> faith.'
>
> 'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And
> that is the problem science has with God. There is no
> evidence, only faith.'
>
> The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a
> question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as
> heat?'
>
> ' Yes.'
>
> 'And is there such a thing as cold?'
>
> 'Yes, son, there's cold too.'
>
> 'No sir, there isn't.'
>
> The professor turns to face the student, obviously
> interested.
>
>
>
>
>
> The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to
> explain.
>
>
> 'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat,
> mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no
> heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'.
> We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat,
> but we can't go any further after that. There is no such
> thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than
> the lowest -458 degrees.'
>
> 'Every body or object is susceptible to study when it
> has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or
> matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is
> the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word
> we use to describe the absence of
> heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in
> thermal units because heat is energy.
> Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of
> it.'
>
> Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the
> classroom, sounding like a hammer.
>
> 'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing
> as darkness?'
>
> 'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation.
> 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'
>
> 'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not
> something; it is the absence of something. You can have low
> light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if
> you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's
> called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use
> to define the word.'
>
> 'In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would
> be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'
>
> The professor begins to smile at the student in front of
> him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are
> you making, young man?
>
> 'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical
> premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must
> also be flawed.'
>
> The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this
> time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'
>
> 'You are working on the premise of duality,' the
> student explains.. 'You argue that there is life and
> then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are
> viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we
> can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a
> thought.'
> 'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never
> seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death
> as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that
> death cannot exist as a
> substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life,
> just the absence of it.
>
> 'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students
> that they evolved from a monkey?'
>
> 'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary
> process, young man, yes, of course I do.'
>
> 'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes,
> sir?'
>
> The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as
> he realizes where the argument is going. A very good
> semester, indeed.
>
> 'Since no one has ever observed the process of
> evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is
> an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion,
> sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'
>
> The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until
> the commotion has subsided.
>
> 'To continue the point you were making earlier to the
> other student, let me give you an example of what I
> mean.'
>
> The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in
> the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?'
> The class breaks out into laughter.
>
> 'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the
> professor's brain, felt the professor's brain,
> touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears
> to have done so. So, according to the established rules of
> empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that
> you have
> no brain, with all due respect, sir.'
>
> 'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust
> your lectures, sir?'
>
> Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the
> student, his face unreadable.
>
> Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers.
> 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'
>
> 'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact,
> faith exists with life,' the student continues.
> 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'
>
> Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course,
> there is. We see it everyday It is in the daily example of
> man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of
> crime and violence everywhere in the world. These
> manifestations are nothing else but evil.'
>
> To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir,
> or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply
> the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a
> word that man has created to
> describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil
> is the result of what happens when man does not have
> God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold
> that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes
> when there is no light.'
>
> The professor sat down.
>
> The student was Albert Einstein. Albert Einstein did
> write a book titled God vs Science in 1921...
>
>
>
> If you read it all the way through and had a smile on your
> face when you finished, mail to your friends and family with
> the title 'God vs Science'.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "For we walk by faith, not by sight." 2
> Corinthians 5:7

[Riggs]

http://battletracker.com/forum/other/offtopic-forum/35438-the-semi-official-funny-picture-thread/

All great pics! :)

[ExodusC]

http://img166.imageshack.us/img166/4204/1228007815345xi4.jpg

*EDITed by IFMU*

Last 2 pictures removed due to a large amount of foul language.
Let's stick to the forums rules here folks.

IFMU

[twilyth]

Riggs;3484930']http://battletracker.com/forum/other/offtopic-forum/35438-the-semi-official-funny-picture-thread/

All great pics! :)

Yes - excellent. There are a few that wouldn't be acceptable here, but just a few. I bookmarked it. :up:

[Riggs]

Yes - excellent. There are a few that wouldn't be acceptable here, but just a few. I bookmarked it. :up:


If only you'd seen the ones before the mods got to them... The gifs are the best though!

I dont encourage these bad pics, but the others are funny. :)

[Hypediss]

Fish found in boy's penis:
"The patient was admitted to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention spanning a 24-hour period. According to the boy, the fish slipped into his penis while he was cleaning his aquarium at home."

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegrap...012895,00.html

annnnd.

Fast Sex:
"Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you...

The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!'

Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend...So she called him and explained the situation.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.'
She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened...?' Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The SOB had all dimes!'

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed"

[Riggs]

http://www.iceteks.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=1536&st=0

This is a good one. :)

Wafflepot!

http://www.xtremesystems.org/forums/showthread.php?t=100438&highlight=wafflepot

[chew*]

I know youd rather see less you tubes but this one is classic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQKPV1GLSBM

[little_scrapper]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkhQLt1vbWU&feature=related

[little_scrapper]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvM-6iiCFcw&feature=channel

Ohhh I'm gonna burn in hell for some reason!

[Warboy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdvLEiWzEvQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ONJfp95yoE

[nosboost300]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/Nosboost300/PoopingWallpaper.jpg
my old cat taking a dump...

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/Nosboost300/Jaciene.jpg

http://s7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/Nosboost300/?action=view&current=Picture057.jpg
my friend 3 years ago during grad night grabbing some junk it seems?

http://s7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/Nosboost300/?action=view&current=Picture032.flv
me rolling down a hill at 6 flags

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/Nosboost300/Picture041.jpg
bear necessities

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/Nosboost300/nipples2.jpg

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/Nosboost300/kitty3.jpg

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/Nosboost300/ceijlingcat.jpg

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/Nosboost300/101_1350.jpg
me about to get trumped by my friends ass

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/Nosboost300/ya.jpg
my cat loves 8800gtx's!!

[Omastar]

So, a white guy, a black guy, and a Mexican guy are all walking along the beach. Suddenly, they come upon a magic lamp buried in the sand and one man picks it up, proceeding to rub it. No sooner does a genie appear and grant them all one wish each. The black man tells the genie, "I wish for all my people to be freed and returned to the motherland where they can live happily and prosper". The genie grants this wish, and the black man disappears. Then, the Mexican man asks the genie, "Genie, I wish for all my Hispanic brothers and sisters to be returned to their birthright so they can live happy and prosperous lives". The genie grants this wish, as well, and the Mexican man disappears. Now all that remains is the white man. After thinking for some time, the white man says to the genie, "well, the Mexicans are gone, and the blacks are gone...so...I guess I'll have a Coke."

BADABING.

[nosboost300]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnyrNEzbLSc

[IFMU]

Considering the time of year... I'll just go with this...

[jason str]

An old black man down on his luck recently losing his home to foreclosure was packing up his belongings in his attic and came across a old lamp he has never seen thinking he may be able to get some money for it got a rag to clean it up and upon his polishing a magic genie pops out to his surprise.

The genie says i will grant you three wishes, your wish is my command master use them wisely.

Amazed the old man runs down the stares and sits on his porch, thinking what have i always wanted.

My first wish is to have a brand spanking new Cadillac with all the options and "POOF" his beautiful new Cadillac appears with gold plated rims and all the options available.

My second wish is to have that brand new Cadillac filled with all the money that can fit into it and "POOF" the car sinks to the ground weighted with bills & gold bars all the way up to the sunroof, just as he was thinking how to use his last wish a beautiful young white college girl walks by admiring the shiny new car.

The old man thinks carefully and says i wish i was white and able to get inside that beautiful young girls pants, the genie says your last wish will be granted and "POOF" the genie turns the old man into a tampon.

[ExodusC]

*EDITed by IFMU*

Last 2 pictures removed due to a large amount of foul language.
Let's stick to the forums rules here folks.

IFMU
Eh, I thought it would be ok since people are using plenty of sexual humor (and not just in this thread either, I mean we have a thread about a vibrator with pictures in the Mods section :)).

Ah well, I won't argue.

[B.E.E.F.]

Clive Owen: "I can do better than that"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptTMs1rBSwY


TheScamBaiter:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzz1tNppsIM&feature=PlayList&p=CFCDCEAEA99F9049&index=0&playnext=1

You can also go to thescambaiter.com for the long thread. I nearly popped a rib at the Cole2.0 thread.

[Riggs]

http://www.xtremesystems.org/forums/showthread.php?t=205555

[twilyth]

Keep your stick out in front and shoot for the crease!!! :rofl:


http://eliteflyers.org/images/moose.JPG

[Particle]

At the moment I'm finding dduckquack's post very amusing. But alas! That's not to say he's going to win. There is still time to ensure your victory. More pictures and jokes! :D

*shameless encouragement to keep this thread hot*

The winner's prize arrived this afternoon. Shiny. Now we just need to wait until Monday to see who wins.

[ExodusC]

http://img367.imageshack.us/img367/908/1222015560044zc5.jpg

http://img385.imageshack.us/img385/9505/1226349429264jw3.png

http://img101.imageshack.us/img101/402/1219794150364xw3.jpg

[[XC] Oj101]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y275/Riversnake/Funny%20Pics/PCFail.jpg


And for a joke lets see........O ya what do kmart and michael jackson both have in common, On a regular basis they both have little boys pants 50% off.

PLEASE link me:rofl:

[Riggs]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKP0JBhgtRQ&feature=PlayList&p=5B78306A14860E60&index=0&playnext=1 I know its youtube, but they're funny prank calls!

[nosboost300]

PLEASE link me:rofl:

that was posted on www.tech-forums.net/pc

look in the off topic section

[PrometheusCon]

Don't you hate it when you get pancakes that are too tiny?

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/471998

And if you need a plot analysis for Gears of War 2.. here ya go

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/469184

[kylepaddock]

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/Lytrigian/OldJokes.png

[chew*]

This is preety funny should be renamed to polish police chase:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsxV49pmnL8&eurl=http://www.bostonreefers.org/forums/showthread.php?t=72721

[little_scrapper]

hese are the guys that DIDNT make it during the action star tryouts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_NQCTbvRnM&feature=related

And of course my favorite THE ORIGINAL AFRONINJA!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sAuXfUQJio&feature=related

[Sliced Cheese]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”



A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”

[slugbug]

This is old but still makes me laugh like hell: http://steroid-encyclopaedia.com/Armagedd.wav

[l33t p1mp]

Hilarious prank call.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ppozxZHx00

[kylepaddock]

I have this on my Zune


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvBXk_ueJXE




found this:

http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d131/smalltowntx/Motivational/theyellowbrickroad.jpg

[Papu]

here are a few
http://dl-client.getdropbox.com/u/55419/Funny/zrational.jpg
http://dl-client.getdropbox.com/u/55419/Funny/Hold_My_Beer.jpg
http://dl-client.getdropbox.com/u/55419/Funny/MailOrder.jpg
http://dl-client.getdropbox.com/u/55419/Funny/1206200149239ol1.jpg
http://dl-client.getdropbox.com/u/55419/Funny/fail-hurdles.jpg
http://dl-client.getdropbox.com/u/55419/Funny/fb6.jpg
http://tweakers.net/ext/f/5waOez8rWqdo2ZXFzlNmygAK/full.jpg
http://pix.sparky-s.ie/images/7tkthi235fkevmqawhkf.jpg
http://i35.tinypic.com/a5gjdu.jpg
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b353/Tortekr/Smilies/1186583830929xu1.jpg
http://dl-client.getdropbox.com/u/55419/Funny/6165.jpg
http://i17.tinypic.com/498d1e9.jpg

Monster.ie AD (http://jobview.monster.ie/GetJob.aspx?JobID=75133423&JobTitle=Linux+Administrator&occ=660.11904&occ=660.11979&occ=660.11847&occ=660.11882&occ=660.11754&occ=660.11848&q=vms+linux+active+directory&lid=2098&lid=955&lid=2084&lid=2091&lid=2088&cy=IE&vw=b&AVSDM=2008-09-29+01%3a12%3a00&pg=1&seq=6)
also i get credit for posting
http://failblog.org/

Spend so many hours laughing myself silly there...


Hear the one about the constipated Mathematician










He worked it out with a pencil.


David Hasslehof walks into a bar and says to the barman "from now on i just want to be known as hoff"

The barman replies, "cool, no hassle"




and to end it all


http://bum.net/pics/final.jpg

and a video to top it off
http://www.thewebsiteisdown.com/
watch all of this , it is the funniest thing i have seen in a while...

[MINIz guy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OxDEsfwXag&feature=related

Ultimate of Tom Mabe!

[nosboost300]

papu... ur stuff was pretty funny.. i'm actually chuckling at work.. lol

[Gendo]

Best prank call I've ever heard (http://www.metacafe.com/watch/420798/hilarious_prank_call_to_a_hotel/)

[YMAA]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4 - Jizz in my pants
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nojWJ6-XmeQ - Banned condom commercial
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrSSSfYE2dQ - Best Guinness beer commercial EVAR

:D

[kylepaddock]

tom mabe is the best!!

[kylepaddock]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OxDEsfwXag&feature=related

Ultimate of Tom Mabe!

i already posted that

[chiguy]

http://graphjam.com/2008/11/04/song-chart-memes-it-helpdesk-summary/
http://graphjam.com/2008/10/27/song-chart-memes-video-game-females/
http://roflrazzi.com/2008/12/10/celebrity-pictures-turner-wtf/
http://punditkitchen.com/2008/12/11/political-pictures-blagojevich-politics/

[twilyth]

Bush plays dodge the shoe. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duLds-TZMGw) You've got to see this. :cool:

[devit]

daddy love:
http://www.xtremesystems.org/forums/picture.php?albumid=169&pictureid=355

surrender:
http://www.xtremesystems.org/forums/picture.php?albumid=169&pictureid=352

keep the mouse hungry for more:
http://www.xtremesystems.org/forums/picture.php?albumid=169&pictureid=353

why worry?
http://www.xtremesystems.org/forums/picture.php?albumid=169&pictureid=354

[Particle]

Papu, that stuff is amazing. :) When I get home after work I'll have to see if the posted videos can compete.

[Papu]

Thanks Particle :)
Actually suprised this hasn't been posted , This (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5792349471028063330&q=laughing+interview) is the funniest video ever, It shouldnt be, but it is....

[Particle]

CONGRATS to Papu for his funny material that managed to truly rofl my copter. Everyone, thanks for playing.

Papu, I need some shipping details PM'd to me. :)

[slugbug]

Congrats Papu.

[Papu]

wow awesome cheers Particle you are a true gentleman , christmas has come early :)

and thanks slugbug aswell :)
and everyone who lol'd

[kylepaddock]

congrads

[Deluge]

Congrats, mate, you definitely deserved to win :up:

[l33t p1mp]

Gratz papu, I loled pretty hard, but I already have a few of those pics in my lol folder. The masturbation one cracked me up when I first saw it.

[DX_Medic]

Removed

[Riggs]

Nice job papu!

[[XC] Oj101]

Don't let grandma find your toys (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3s5wkUyjHIQ)

:D

[werty316]

Congrats Papu

[upsidedown]

Don't let grandma find your toys (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3s5wkUyjHIQ)

:D

must be one tasty cake :D

[HDCHOPPER]

maybe eye missed it ? who's the winner ?

[HDCHOPPER]

CONGRATS to Papu for his funny material that managed to truly rofl my copter. Everyone, thanks for playing.

Papu, I need some shipping details PM'd to me. :)

errrr nevermind :D

[clo007]

Thanks Particle :)
Actually suprised this hasn't been posted , This (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5792349471028063330&q=laughing+interview) is the funniest video ever, It shouldnt be, but it is....Maybe if I knew what they were saying, it would be funny? :D

[Jochenp]

Hahaha! I know! It's from a flemish program. It's entirely staged.

[Papu]

t's from a Belgian Comedy show called "In de Gloria", so the whole thing is staged. It's a 'mockumentary' about a fictious TV show host who got fired because of his inappropriate laughing at his guests, a woman who got paralyzed because of a surgeon accidentally cutting her spine, and a man who had a tonsillitis and got a bad treatment which resulted in a damage of his vocal cords.

[Papu]

got the harddrive today , awesome , thanks again Particle , everythings working fine :)